The drops of rain falling everywhere, the awkward silence making mi crazy, hais y does it always rain on me?

Thursday nite at mos was terrible its a waste of bucks ... the place is just so packed ... cant even get a stable stand for my foot. hais suxs

Friday ... feeling damn sainz and wanted to get outa the house ya was suppose to go out with li wen n li jing out to do some catching up but end up goin to santosa with dudes ya n it rained on mi! so heavily hais wad a day ... went to lido to watch recarnation bought a 9.30 show but during dinner at thai-express i happen to find out it was written 7.30! damn ... went back to get our 9.30 tixs >( Hais y so many rich ppl out there? so many wrx-s ya i guess their gf really think their bf up with da car haha ... n the best part is thy didnt stop for the hump. They went flying over da hump @.@ i was like ... wad the fuck haha ... hais dont knw what they are thinking also la. Esp the gals ... lalala i am so lost dont know in whos world also.

Sat went to santosa again ... meet up with waipo n ppl ya ... alot of ppl went to the airport to catch da plane haha all well in that case ... lucky still got tanned the rain was after mi whn i was leaving >.< went to cine to look for her ... and guess who i saw? my bro haha ... looking for a mickey mouse :P haha all well ... wa the more i see her ... erm she still looks so unique y ar? hais i wish she could ans mi ..

Sunday ... a day for all emotions to over run mi. Depression day, hais every sunday ... i feel the same ... awaiting to book in ... n get back into the trainings hais n think of her n think whn will i get da car n whn will she be mine n ... ai ya so many n ... suxs la really hate my state of life now ... i wan my life back i wan my freedom hais ... ard 5 more months to commissioning perade and ard 1 week frm tt day is da coms ball hais ... will she turn out to be my date? i really wish she would :"(

I dont knwo wad to say ... i dont knwo wad to do ... i lost my way ... again .... and again ... n now ... i still cant find any way ... theres no one to guide mi ... theres no 1 by my side ... no one to hold my hand ... no one to stand by me thru all these tough times ... why?

just hate the emptyness in mi everytime i book out ... i mean theres no moral support ... i just hate this feeling ... it just comes out of no where ... every now n then .... ppl bookout to see their beloved i go out see waD? i just cant get wad i wan ... ya $ cant be forced so i wont really expect myslf to own a car on my vry own now ... everytime whn i am goin thru shit i dont know wad to think to get mi thru ... theres noting so valuable to make mi strong ... to the extend i wont giv up for. Frens ... are just here to be by ur side at times ... not all the time ... times has changed ... we all have grown up ... things is changing ... i can see tt ... and here i am still trying to accept the fact ... on my very own ... so many hard times i really really wish ... i can get some warmth. I dont wana shed my tears ... i wish i dont hav to think n wonder so much ... abt the future n the past ... keep thinking wad can happen ... keep wondering the wonderful ..... and the great ... its all happens only in my slp ... i hate to wake up! .... seeing this empty life ... :'(

Passion and the one you love ... which one would you choose? For mi i also dont know. Dude i suppose u know wad i am talking abt, i know u aint ready to make the choice between both. Everyone wans both, u love her just like you do but i guess u all are just over protecting and causing some arguments ba. I really dislike to see you two like tt all the time i book out i really rather see a vry loving couple that has nothing to worry on their mind. You two really hav to sort things out ... life just cant continue like tt serious ... cause the longer its delayed the worst it will get. All i can say is i really wish to see wad u 2 were just like before.

Haha anyway i think both of u knows wads my bday wish la just hlp mi out with it together man! haha get working la! i only left with less then 6 months! to make my dream come true wo get working plz! Seriously its kinda planned 1/2 way just need tt part n the whole fairy tale story will kinda come true. HAIS! Tough times dont last but tough man does ... i wonder where i stand ?.? or am i still lost in the sublime seaweed of the ocean bed?

Common la sheep stand up ... i know its really hard. I went thru all these also but i know mine would be nothing compared to urs. If u ever need a hlping hand just call mi k! I know all these times its really tough for u, all these long ... please stand up k! i'll see you soon i guess.

Tues will be arriving so soon ... times is like flying by so fast ... week after week and there ... 4 months is abt to fly by. I am stressed up now, worrying that i cant make it to ya ocs ... i really wana wear the no.1 uniform hais ... i really dont know wad to say. Tml around this hour i guess i'll be digging my own grave man haha who knows? i might just collapse n yea ... i will never ever see tuesday. Nothing in my life so far ... or shuld i say now, i really hav nothing to treasure other thn my family but how offen do i really think of thm? Wad i really lack of is still ya courage for something. I dont know how i am goin to do it ... i might be just like tt till the end of ya the 2 years or even more. All those lovely things i've really been missing thm so much, I dont know y she cheated mi, how she left mi with so much ease and choose him instead of mi. For tt i really hav to keep myslf fuckin occupied, several times ... almost ended my life ya ppl around mi will know wad i'm best at doin so far. At those edge, i never feared, i dont know y i feel nothing, i hate it.

So wad if i go n visit her everynow and then? I guess she wont even know or even bother. Seeing her change as the days passes by ... and here i am writing these shit for myslf.

Gods up above i really wana stop the kinda life i am having now i really dislike it. Wads the use of mi making a promise to myslf? I dont even need it, i really wish i do. If not y dont shower mi with some cash for mi to get some ride n go to hell with it ya hell will break loose but things is different now.

Another phase of sad story abt to begain soon ... i really dont know where i'll land up. Praying hard that tuesday will be a smooth day for mi, hais i hate my life ... i hate it! y must thy come n go! It really breaks ones heart leaving a scare there forever. If breaths are taken deep it will hurt!